


Side Effects May Include Spontaneous Combustion

by AHS



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Dialogue-Only, Humor, M/M, Prompt Fic, Red Bull
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-04
Updated: 2011-11-04
Packaged: 2017-10-25 16:40:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/272461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AHS/pseuds/AHS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Justin asks Brian for help with his Red Bull addiction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Side Effects May Include Spontaneous Combustion

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a word prompt at promptmesomeqaf on LJ: Red Bull, highlighter, Madonna

 

“Brian, I need an intervention.”

“Calling an intervention on yourself is a pretty good sign you don’t need one. Hello to you, too. I had a fabulous day, thank you for asking.”

“I’m serious. I think I’m an addict.”

“Yes, you are. But addiction to my cock is, lucky for you, incurable.”

“That one I welcome, life-long. No. I’m addicted to Red Bull.”

“Ugh. You love that shit.”

“I know! I have to stop!”

“Christ, such a drama princess. It’s a shitty energy drink. I’m sure you’ll live.”

“Maybe! But who knows the long-term effects? I never let myself really think about it. I just knew it was yummy with vodka at Babylon, and sometimes Daph and I would drink one when we were studying, but it wasn’t until working on the movie when _everybody_ was drinking them _all_ the time that I got hooked, and I was talking to Daph earlier and she said she heard about a guy who drank ten of them and spontaneously combusted-”

“Fuck, how many did you have today??”

“None. I just got a little worked up after Daphne’s story.”

“That’s some bullshit urban legend.”

“I know it is. BUT, it made me research the truth online-”

“I thought I’d taught you what the internet was meant to be used for.”

“Just look!”

“What is all this?”

“I printed out the information.”

“And brought down the wrath of your yellow highlighter on the most damning, I see.”

“There _have_ been deaths linked to consumption of Red Bull. Healthy, young people. One in Ireland, _three_ in Sweden! Nothing can be proven for sure, but they all drank it right before they died. And it’s illegal in France!”

“What the fuck do the French know? They think Gerard Depardieu is sexy.”

“Some say the taurine is beneficial, some say the risk is too unknown.”

“… _’major constituent of bile’_? Sounds thirst-quenching.”

“But the caffeine is the big problem. It’s just not good for-”

“Yeah, you used to give me shit for drinking coffee, warning me of the dangers, trying to scare me with _‘poor sexual performance.’_ What happened to taking your own advice, you little hypocrite?”

“That’s what I’m trying to do now, asshole. I’m giving up Red Bull.”

“Sorry if I can’t get how that’s a sacrifice. It tastes like battery acid.”

“It tastes like gummi bears.”

“Gummi bear piss, maybe.”

“Just help me, okay?”

“What am I supposed to do?”

“Don’t let me buy it. Don’t let me drink it. And if I get the shakes, fuck me until I don’t notice them anymore.”

“Hmm… Happy to help. Come to think of it, you have any more addictions you want to kick? Cartoons? Cargo pants? Singing Madonna every fucking second you’re in the shower?”

“Not every fucking second. Just every fucking second you’re not fucking me.”

“I do know how to shut you up, don’t I? Or, more like, make much better sounds.”

“I developed that particular addiction just to receive your brand of treatment.”

“Smart boy. Bend over, I’ve got an injection for you.”

“Did you really just say that?”

“I did.”

“Oh, guess I better bend over then.”


End file.
